


Shiver

by tiggeryumyum



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:20:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4864607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiggeryumyum/pseuds/tiggeryumyum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa has been suspecting it for a while; Jean is a good teammate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shiver

"You're heavier than you look."

Mikasa is awake, but there's a fog in her mind that makes it hard to think. The fog is pain, but Mikasa has gotten better and better at preventing the complaints of physical injuries from becoming a distraction. It looks like it won't be possible this time.

She does the best she can, cataloging her surroundings. There's a sturdy roof above – stone. Walls of stone. The only source of sunlight is on the furthest wall, a small, long line. She's deep inside a cave.

Jean is sitting beside her, a small fire burning beside them.

"I'll put it out before it gets too bad," Jean says, waving at the smoke. "But we needed to get dry before it gets too dark."

Her clothes are damp. She hadn't noticed. She must be in a lot of pain.

"What happened?" she asks.

"Eren got away with Levi," Jean says. "He's safe."

At the mention of Eren, the fog clears in a sharp, clear instant. It was the 63rd expedition beyond the walls, an attempt to repair the wheat silos for future human residents. A red flare from the east flank. Then two more red flares from standby. A black and a red from the rear. The formation was ripped to shreds. Eren transformed, took off – Mikasa winces, breathing out once as she remembers the frustration. He's so fast in that form. It can be hard for Mikasa to keep up. He has no endurance, though... But he's safe. The fog is returning. Mikasa closes her eyes with a sigh.

"… You should probably get some rest," Jean says, reminding her of his presence in general. He must have played a role in all this, he was... in the north team, but Mikasa can't think through the fog, what had happened to the north team.

Armin was in the north team.

"Armin?"

"Holding Eren in the wagon. He's fine."

"How did we get here?"

"I dragged you," Jean says. "You got knocked out of the sky by a 15 meter class. Hit your head. Honestly when I saw it... Anyway. Titans down, the team retreated. We're on our own, about a day from the wall." Jean shrugs. "I dragged you." he says again.

Mikasa stares, confused. She glances over at the 3DMG set against the cave wall across from them, it looks fully functional. Jean smiles dryly and points at his leg.

"You're injured," she says.

"Yep."

"I'm injured."

"Yeah. It's not looking great," Jean says, and tends to the fire. He's calm, collected, and she sees piles of supplies around them. She know she is safe, here, with Jean.

Mikasa has been suspecting it for a while; Jean is a good teammate. She falls asleep.

~

When Mikasa wakes again, there is pain like she hasn't experienced in some time. She keeps her eyes closed, and feels each throbbing, broken part of her body. She feels, also, the slow, deep burn of healing. Her body is repairing itself, but it is sluggish. Weak. Slow moving. It's frustrating.

"Hey," Jean says. "Hey Mikasa?"

She opens her eyes, and her vision swims. Jean is holding something between his fingers, bringing it closer to her face.

"Here," he says, pressing something cold and wet against her lip. Confused, but generally trusting, she opens her mouth. It's an apple slice, and Mikasa closes her eyes, savoring the sweet, tangy flavor, letting it rest against her tongue before she chews. Chewing makes the fog worse. But she knows it will help her body heal, so she keeps eating, accepting each slice.

She finishes, exhausted from the effort and drops into a deep sleep.

~

When she wakes a day has passed, at least.

Her first thought is of Eren, knowing full well what sort of trouble he could get himself into in that amount of time. Hopefully Levi has him contained. Hopefully they won't be staging a rescue for her, she can already tell she be healed soon and ready to make the return trip to the wall without assistance.

The fire is going again, and Jean must have grabbed additional supplies at some point, mixing water and powder to make the soup.

She watches Jean blush as he stares hard at the fire. He glances over at Mikasa three times, looking away just as fast.

"Here. Can you hold yourself up, or... ?"

She can't, yet. Jean doesn't bother to split the soup in two, just dipping a spoon straight into the pot.

Jean still has feelings for her.

As children it was a distant and unimportant fact, one that became annoying when Jean lost control of himself or provoked Eren. It has been some time since that last happened, though, and Mikasa had thought it might have passed. Apparently not.

She observes Jean, his hands, the careful movements of his fingers. Everything about his posture and expression seems controlled, now that she knows that the passion is still there inside him. He's learned tact. Mikasa feels a soft touch of fondness for Jean like this, blushing and trying to be subtle about it.

"Are you in much pain?" she asks.

"I mean my leg is busted," he says. "Yeah. It hurts. You?"

Mikasa shifts around, testing each pain in methodical order. "Yes," she decides. "But it's getting better."

"Good," Jean says, quickly, and wipes his hands on his pants. "Good."

He doesn't say anything else and Mikasa finds herself … feeling a tiny, pinprick of a loss she can't quite describe.

~

When night falls it brings a distinct chill. Mikasa is fine, in fact it is almost a pleasant distraction from the persistent, annoying fog in her mind. Though she knows better than to interrupt her body's work, she almost feels like she could get up and start the journey back to the wall.

Jean is shivering, curled around himself except for the injured leg, which sticks straight out. She watches as Jean brings his hands up to his mouth, breathing heavily on thin, pale fingers.

"It's cold," Mikasa says. Jean looks up in surprise, clearly expecting her to be asleep.

"Yeah," Jean says.

"I mean," Mikasa says. "I'm cold. Please."

Jean's eyes go so round and wide Mikasa can't stop the smile.

"I, s-sure, I mean, yeah, it's just – it's just for warmth, nothing funny – just for warmth," Jean says, face bright red as he shifts, careful of his own leg and mindful of Mikasa's injuries. He pushes close against her, and Mikasa decides this warmth is nice, too. Jean is still shivering, but it's not nearly as violent. And she thinks it might not entirely be because of cold.

Mikasa knows her body is different, it utilizes resources more efficiently than most people, and it is strange, this trembling energy from Jean, the blood rushing to his face. The reaction Jean's body has to Mikasa. So pointless, such a waste, like a dog chasing its tail. But the fondness grows, a bit, like the heat generated between them, helping Jean eventually drop to sleep, breathing softly, his forehead pressed against hers. She watches him sleep.

In the morning she's ready for the journey. She pulls on her gear while Jean sleeps, and it's not until she's finished buckling it in place that she looks at Jean's gear, and Jean's leg. He's wrapped his leg to a branch, bandages tighter around his thigh and knee.

He won't be able to use his gear like this.

Mikasa has never seen lives as disposable, only a necessity when Eren is in danger. She has never wanted to see anyone die.

But there is a distinct level of _unacceptable_ when she imagines leaving Jean in this cave, something she's only ever really felt for her makeshift families. It's the sort of disquieting feeling that makes her act irrationally, that sends her into battle before she's ready, that makes her fly after Eren and get knocked from the sky like an insect. 

The plans she comes up with are stupid: even using Mikasa as a crutch, Jean will not be able to limp the distance. Mikasa would be able to get into the air with Jean on her back, but evading titans would be impossible.

Jean wakes hours later, wincing, reaching down for his leg before he even opens his eyes.

She watches as he realizes he's alone, that she's not lying beside him. There's immediate panic, he presses his hand where she was last night, then sits up –

"Oh," he says,  blinking . "So  you're better."

She can hear in the weight of his voice, he's been aware of this from the beginning. The inevitable conclusion, Mikasa healing faster, and having no choice but to leave without him. There are strict regulations about retrieval missions for those thought to be wounded and left behind. If Mikasa was a normal soldier, there is no way Jean would merit the effort it would take. Still, he gave her his rations, and cared for her.

She stands and crosses the distance between them.

"I'm heading to the wall," she says. She takes off her scarf and wraps it around his neck. "I'm coming back for you."

She kisses him. And it makes his body shiver.


End file.
